Dear Newt Gingrich,
You and me, we're Smyrna boys.
I know you're from Pennsylvania, and moved around a lot. But you were my congressman growing up, and that connects us well enough.
I remember when you came to my high school, Campbell High School, well known as the world's best high school, as I'm sure you'll agree.
Some hippie sophomore asked you a leading question, and you destroyed her. Oh, it was total. I remember that clearly more than 16 years later.
We've met a couple of times since, and you haven't erased that first impression.
Mr. Speaker, you won't be president. I know it. And you either know it, or should.
But that doesn't mean you can't run. Even extraordinary men have few chances to garner that much of their country's attention.
So if you have something to say, run. Or don't. But quit with this, and your 1,500 Facebook likes.
Or don't. Because you were an asshole when I was in high school.
CHS class of 1994
Update: As of Friday at 2 p.m., newtexplore2012.com is up to 1,847 Facebook likes. If he gets 1.4 million more he'll beat out the movement to abolish Croc sandals.
CORRECTION: L.I. general counsel in Florida, Erajh Panditaratne, CHS 1993, says this wasn't so much a "hippie sophomore" as a "moderately liberal senior." I stand corrected.