Sunday, March 1, 2009

A Dear Glenn letter: One member of the press corps breaks up with the Speaker of the House

It is with sadness that I must announce: Lucid Idiocy's man crush on Speaker of the House Glenn Richardson is over. It's not me, it's him.

Mr. Speaker -

It's hard for me to write this. I know we haven't been together long, but we were so good together. I mean, you said so many awesome ridiculous things, and the press always printed them and people always read it.

Those were almost real political stories, Mr. Speaker. It isn't easy getting people to read that stuff these days. Not in newspapers.

But that's the past, Mr. Speaker. This isn't easy. But, as a member of the Capitol press corps, I have to be strong and tell you. I'm breaking up with you.

I'm trying not to cry. I mean, you were just so interesting, telling various governors and lieutenant governors where they could stick it. Telling folks that public records about you clearly shouldn't be public records because you're a public figure.

Those were good times, Mr. Speaker. I mean, arguing that being a publicly elected figure makes you less subject to public records laws.... That was beautiful. I'd never been with anyone like that.

And then, it's like you stopped loving us writing ridiculous things about you all at once. Gena Evans gets fired and all your office will say is "The Speaker's primary concern has been and will be how to improve the transportation system for the people of Georgia."

What the hell is that?!?! Even Casey Cagle said something better than that. Maybe I'll see what he's doing for this weekend's editions. Or John Oxendine. He's running for governor, you know.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just... I'm confused.

There was no warning. I mean, did I do something wrong? Is it me? It's The AJC, isn't it? They're poisoning things. We can get rid of them. It'll be just the two of us, and maybe Morris News Service and the Associated Press. We can do whatever you want, let's just make this work.

I know you've got a secret plan to undercut the governor and the lieutenant governor on this DOT thing, right? That's why you're being coy and talking about improving things "for the people," right? You're just waiting for the perfect moment to strike, right?

I promise, I promise, I can change. The press corps can change. Please, let's just stay together and sell newspapers. Please.

4 comments:

Andrew said...

"Those were good times, Mr. Speaker. I mean, arguing that being a publicly elected figure makes you less subject to public records laws.... That was beautiful. I'd never been with anyone like that."

Did the former Mayor even come close?

Lucid Idiocy said...

Truthfully, he did. But this was the speaker's show. I didn't want to bring Jack into it.

joe p said...

Hilarious

Nick said...

I can't stop laughing...