Sen. Obama's campaign had a conference call for reporters today "outlining the campaign's strategy for victory in the Peach State."
Now that might sound cool, but it's not. And why I continue to think things like this are a good use of my time, I'm not sure. So here's my "live blog" of the call, which may be the last one I'm invited on. My own snarky comments in
italics:
National Political Director Patrick Gaspard: Obama has a really good chance to win Georgia. Blah, blah, blah
Georgians are great people who pay a lot of attention to things, and who are very concerned about the foreclosure crisis and other problems in this country.
They also like fried food, reality T.V. and handguns.State Sen. Doug Stoner: I am a native of Smyrna, Georgia
. That is the best city in the world to be from.Blah, blah, blah. I've never seen a presidential candidate show Georgia the attention that Obama has.
What about that Jimmy Carter guy?Blah blah blah. "It's a historic occasion for us."
This call is really breaking new ground.Stoner: Highest inflation rate in 16 years right now.
I didn't know that. It's not particularly funny.Blah, blah, blah. We're going to need national leadership on the energy issue "and that's not what we're getting."
Funny how Republicans agree on that, but blame the Democratic Congress.Georgia State Director Antwaun Griffin: Obama's going to win Georgia.
Phase 1: Collect underpants. Phase 2: ???. Phase 3: Profit!!!Blah, blah, blah. Campaign is driven by investments of both time and money.
Armed with this information, I now feel able to run my own national political campaign.Griffin: That's not just a talking point. Money and time are important.
Translation: Money and time are important.Blah, blah, blah. "... an ambitious field strategy executed by people on the ground who we expect will vote for senator Obama. And, frankly, that's central to the outcome."
I did not make that quote up.Griffin: These are the campaign goals: Goal 1: Win Georgia. Goal 2: Keep a volunteer network in place.
Phase 3: Profit!!!Blah, blah, blah. Read our Powerpoint
Press officer Caroline Adelman: We haven't sent it to some of you. Let's take some questions.
Aaron Shenin from The AJC: Thanks from the call. I think I was expecting to hear a little bit more about details, where you see opportunities in the state.
Translation: Thanks for wasting our time.Griffin: The campaign is driven by activism. We're focused on every part of the state. Let me be clear: That means outside of metro Atlanta, too.
Awesome. Please send me a map of Georgia.Blah, blah, blah. I don't have to tell you that Georgia is growing.
I don't have to be a smart ass. And yet...Me: I jumped on late. But someone mentioned that the senator was coming to Georgia next week. Where's he coming?
Adelman: We didn't talk about that at all today. Today's call is about strategy and why Georgia's important. Is there anything particular that you're interested in?
Me: Well that was my question.
Adelman: Oh, I'm sorry. You can't do any follow up.
Me: Uh, OK.
(So I went back and checked the tape. Patrick Gaspard noted that McCain is coming to Georgia next week, which shows how seriously he's taking Obama's challenge in Georgia. So I'm a moron who doesn't understand proper pronoun usage. I bet Gaspard is making fun of me on his blog right now.)Marcus Howard, Marietta Daily Journal: We got a lot of Republicans here. How you gonna appeal to them?
Gaspard: A lot of people really like Barack Obama, including average Americans.
Gaspard called Marcus by my name. I feel less guilty about making fun of him now. And less dumb about the McCain thing.Blah, blah, blah. Gridlock! Failed energy policy! Republicans!
Stoner: How can a Democrat win in this state? Look at (Democrat and Attorney General) Thurbert Baker, he won Cobb County.
BAM! Twenty minutes in, Smyrna boy weighs in with actual useful analysis. I bet he went to Campbell High School. And not the new one over where Wills used to be. The real Campbell High School.Atlanta Tribune reporter: Your release said you'd discuss issues critical to Georgia today. What issues are those?
Translation: I told my editor I'd write about this. Please make that possible or I'm going to have to do some actual work today.Griffin: We call them kitchen table issues. They're important. The economy is one of them.
Translation: People care about important issues, such as the economy.Blah, blah, blah. People are tired of sound bite politics.
Change. Hope. Hope for change.Gaspard: It's the economy and energy. Inflation is high. The budget deficit is huge. What people are looking for is people to lead. They're tired of political games. McCain is just like Bush. The country has no coherent national energy policy now. Sen. Obama has a plan.
I understand it's a plan for change.---
Lucid Idiocy author Travis Fain is a 1994 Campbell High School graduate and a native of Smyrna, Georgia. Oddly, given his inability to match pronouns with proper names, he was an honors student who totally took AP English his senior year. Also, that Powerpoint showed up before the call ended.