UPDATE: Sarah Palin is the man. Jerk analysis.

I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever eagerly anticipated a political convention speech. And I think the reason is due to the likelihood of one of two story lines, not just for her speech, but for her candidacy:

1. She's awesome.
2. This is one horrendous train wreck.

Is middle ground possible? Sure. But this pick just has an all-or-nothing feel to it.

The ground rules: Everything I know about Gov. Palin I learned by barely paying attention. My theory is that this makes things more hilarious as opposed to less responsible.

Plus, if you're getting your presidential campaign news here, I love you for it, but you're a moron.

The speech is supposed to start about 10:30. I'll be watching it at less than full strength, which is to say I won't be drinking.
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I'm listening to Kenny B. and Charles E. on the on demand for the second night in the row. ERICK ERICKSON! gave a telephone interview from St. Paul while he was watching Gov. Palin practice her speech. Sweet.

"She's a former sportscaster," Erick said. "She's got to think on her feet."

Punch line to a Gov. Palin joke Erickson tells: "Hockey Moms wear lipstick."

This could turn tragic.
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I just watched one minute of former Mayor Rudy Giuliani's speech. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone in a red and black tie less.
- This statement not meant to be unAmerican.-
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"Booo!" To Islamic terrorism and Democrats. Problem solved.

Watched one more minute. It was about Sept. 11. "John McCain can face the enemy. He can win and he can bring victory for this country."
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Giuliani on Sen. Obama's flip-flops: "If I were Joe Biden, I'd want to get that V.P. thing in writing."

Line of the campaign.
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Gov. Palin thanks you so much.
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This is more good than funny so far. What happened to killing bears and stuff? Stupid media.

"A time to campaign, and a time to put our country first. Our nominee for president is a true profile in courage. And people like that are hard to come by."

Palin: Victory in Iraq "in sight." Seems true enough. Especially since she says she's got a kid in the military. Oh, damn he's standing up. That guy's gonna get laid tonight.
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Because we know how those Palin kids do it...

Too soon?
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"Some times even the greatest joys bring challenge. ... To the families of special needs (applause) to the families of special needs children all across this country, I have a message for you: ... I pledge to you that if we're elected, you will have a friend and an advocate in the White House."
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Met her husband in high school and he races snow machines. Andrew Jackson returns to the White House? That would be awesome.
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She tells the Erickson joke. The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.

OK. Just to keep things moving...
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"I guess a small town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities."

Whoever wrote that, you're hired. By everyone. Possibly to be vice president of the United States.
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Media: Can suck it. People: I got your back.
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Standing up to oil companies: Not an applause line. Someone get me some analysis on this.
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Fired her personal chef. Sold the plush governor's plane on ebay. Returned a surplus to the tax payers.
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Test message just sent to Democrat: She doesn't seem to be falling on her face.

Those of you wondering how the Democrats would manage to screw it up this time...
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Did she just say "Drill in ANWR" without using any of those words?
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Says Obama has authored two memoirs but not a major law. I am looking up his age right now. That might merit a booyah!
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47 does seem young for two memoirs. Booyah.
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"Turning back the waters and healing the planet." She uses the phrase to make fun of Sen. Obama, but both those things sound like good ideas. I like the beaches along the Georgia coast, for example.
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Doesn't like rights.* Certainly doesn't want them being read.*

*Might not be true statements.
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Boooo! Taxes. Boooo! Tax increases.
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The Alaskan accent: Like Michigan or Minnesota, or other places where there's no sun. Living there is smart.
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Vote for John McCain.
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POW, you know? 6x4 cell.
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John McCain knows how to overcome evil. He might be the only candidate you can say that about. Hint: He didn't do it by starting another war.

Side note: During one of the Republican debates, on a 2nd Amendment question, John McCain noted that he no longer owns a gun.
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Maybe Biden, who had to deal with the death of his wife and daughter.
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Thank you, and God Bless America. Applause.*
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That family is absolutely precious. That kid in her arms... that may be the picture in every major newspaper in America tomorrow.
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John McCain's looking pretty good tonight. Not a day over 70. Shit. 65.
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McCain calls Palin "The right choice." Then turns the wrong way to acknowledge her and has to do a full 360.
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I guess that's it, because Wolf Blitzer is talking. She hit it "out of the park," he said.

"No doubt... very, very positive."
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Much of the media should be shot.
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Who cares what her sister and brother, or brother in law think? My parents freaking love this blog. Email it to your friends.

Blitzer cuts off the analysis for The National Anthem.
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Which the Republican National Convention screws up by interspersing with the Pledge of Allegiance. What's your bet on how much applause the "one Nation under God line" gets?
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Either they skipped that line (That is not possible, right?) or I am a moron. That certainly seems reasonable...
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"She's gonna be a tough cookie."
- another Democrat
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Pundits: Sarah Palin will eat rural America alive.
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ANDERSON COOPER! paraphrase: She's got a great smile when she's attacking. She puts the knife in and she smiles and you don't even know it's been done.